Building on Tragedy
Desperate for a venting medium, I have decided to join this publicly anonymous confessional. Anyone willing to empathize, sympathize, or otherwise is welcome to comment.

I had a life changing experience 2 months ago. The problem is I'm not sure what's changed, supposed to change, if anything.

I have what I like to call "emotional sensitivity". I've always thought I "feel" more than everyone else around me. It's hard to find someone who understands, completely. Maybe there are more out there in the world than I think.

However that's not the life changing experience... Building on Tragedy refers to March ** at 7:35 a.m. a woman driving a white minivan lost control of her car on an icy bridge and hit me head on, driver to driver.

So what happens to an "emotional sensitive" woman when she is faced with her own immortality?

In the milliseconds before the hit, I thought "oh my God, I'm going to die", as I watched the woman coming toward me silently screaming. That sound, the sound of the impact, forever etched in my sensitive head. Die? No, in slow motion, in what I'm sure was only seconds, was the most poinant moment of my life so far.

Why? Why would he spare me? Someone who had imagined dying this way...only months before. Everything happens for a reason, right? So why did he take my life and literally STOP me in my tracks.

Once the car stopped moving I realized the air bag had deployed, and there was this burning smell. And for a moment I thought the car was on fire, but I realized it was just the smell and powdery smoke from the airbag. I used my hands to push the airbag down and I could see her van not far from me. I could hear her screaming now. Then I became acutely aware of my own pain.

The thoughts came flooding at me...Why did I take this road? Why did I stop to vote? I never take this road when the weahter is bad? I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere! My legs hurt!!! My LEG hurts!! I can't move my leg. Where is my cell phone? I can't reach my cell phone. Why is it so hot in here? The car is still running, the radio still rambling.

My left hand reached the window button and lowered the window opposite me for some air. PAIN in the left arm. I turned off the car with the right hand. Panting, I was panting. Cool air. I couldn't get the door open. I just wanted to get out of there.

Then I heard voices and I opened my eyes and saw someone standing at her door, that's when I saw the white light. It was fading, tunnel vision, white foggy...Breathe!! A voice telling me to take slow deep breaths. "The ambulance is on it's way, keep breathing slow deep breaths. What's your name? What hurts? Can you wiggle your toes? They're coming."

I don't remember her name, I know she told me. But she talked me through it all and got in with me under the blanket while the fireman used the "jaws of life" to open up the car that was wrapped around my legs. Glass flying...and the sound. All the while the pain becoming more and more intense.

Finally at 9:00 a.m. they put me in the ambulance.

So why did I choose "Love & Romance"? You've only read about an hour and a half of my life. Stay Tuned!

Confessionette